It's quite possible that the only motivation I have to update this blog is when Tim promises to do something ridiculous in exchange for a new post. That worked really well last time, right?
Therefore, today's post is brought to you by Tim agreeing to wear a pair of BSteer's neon yellow athletic shorts out on the town to purchase a sandwich.
It happened.
It was amazing.
Sadly, there are no pictures, because Tim asked me not to take any, but then I did, and then I felt guilty, so I deleted them. Sorry, world. An artist's rendering of the reported activity is pictured below:
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| Tim has remarkably good legs to pull off this look. |
He got some pretty intense stares in the sandwich shop. I think a few people were a little offended, but the sandwich artist said, "come back and see us!" when he gave Tim his sandwich, and I don't think he was just being polite, if ya know what I mean.
Anyway, Tim held up his end of the bargain, so I owed him a blog post. I told him we would have to do a blog worthy activity. His suggestion? Roller skating.
YES.
Part One: AH and BSteer Experience a Scary Bathroom, and Also There Was Skating.
Our local skating rink has a Friday night deal that includes all-you-can-skate from 7 p.m. to midnight for the reasonable price of $8 (plus $2 skate rental). Great deal, right? Who would you assume might take advantage of this gem of an opportunity? College students on a budget? Single 20-somethings looking to make a friend? Adults trying to experience some nostalgia?
Nope. Kids. Little bitty kids, a gaggle of tweens, and a handful of high schoolers, all racing around with reckless abandon and little regard to the presence of the much larger, much poorer skaters who could potentially fall on them and squish them to death.
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| They were everywhere, they were fast, and they had NO FEAR. |
Upon arriving at the skating rink, I needed to use the ladies' room and for some reason decided to do so after trading my boots for skates, but before lacing up to hit the rink. Sock-footed, I trotted across the building to find my way to the restroom blocked by seven 12-year-old girls, all of whom looked rather angry, gathered in front of the bathroom door. I don't know how much time any of you have spend around 12-year-old girls, but they can be intimidating when traveling in a pack. I sheepishly asked if anyone was using the restroom, and they parted to let me pass. One girl told me my hair was pretty, which significantly lifted my spirits, but I opened the bathroom door and they immediately sank. As the door swung shut behind me, I heard the same girl say, "There aren't any stall doors, though!"
Y'all, when that little girl said there weren't any stall doors, she meant there weren't any stall doors! Three toilets, each divided by a painted wood partition, each completely open to the room, affording little to no privacy for anyone brave enough (or stupid enough) to use the facilities. It was also pretty icky. I've never wished for shoes more in my life. I briefly contemplated driving back to my apartment to use the bathroom, but I've gotta be honest, I wasn't sure I could make it. I'd had about 6 glasses of water at dinner, and nature was calling LOUDLY (you're welcome for that TMI - I need you to understand my urgency). I steeled my resolve, picked the least offensive toilet, flushed down its previous contents (yeah, that was the LEAST offensive one) and started to, as they say, drop trou. At that precise moment, in burst three of the tweens: one obviously angry and hurt with her arms crossed leaning up against the sink, and two others who were desperately trying to find out why she was upset. Crossed-Arms Girl was pointedly silent while Helpful Girl A and Helpful Girl B tried desperately to wring the reason out of her. "Why are you mad? You don't wanna leave. Just come back out and skate!"
And I'm still standing there with my pants halfway undone when in stream the rest of the tweens, all chattering, some worried, some mad, some just along to see what all the fuss was about, and dammit, you little girls, I'm trying to use the bathroom!
Finally, I decided to get it over with. I leaned around the partition and said something really mature and discreet, like "Y'all please don't judge me, but I really have to pee." So I dropped my pants and sat down, all while the tweens fuss with one another about who said this and who did what and who's mad at whom, and I'm halfway through a text message to Brittany begging her to come save me when I realize there's not a single thing she could do to make the situation any less awkward.
So I just finished up, hastily pulled up my jeans, awkwardly navigated through the knot of girls to get to the sink, and high tailed it out of there. Tim and Brittany had a good laugh at my expense, and we all went skating. Sort of. Brittany was a good skater, I was sort of okay, but terrified of falling down, and Tim... well, he tried, poor thing. It's okay, he has lots of other talents.
It was a blast. BSteer and I sang along to Justin Bieber's "Beauty and a Beat," and I broke it down white-girl-style when Macklemore's "Thrift Shop" came on. But the best part of the night, in my opinion, was when BSteer had to go to the bathroom, too. I accompanied her to bar the door so she didn't have to risk the same tween invasion I did, but she made a fatal flaw that I managed to avoid. Girl tried to use the bathroom in skates. Can you imagine how hard it is to pull your pants up while wearing skates? Brittany can!
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| BSteer is a champion for letting me take this pic. |
All in all, I'd say skating was a success, and it's definitely going to happen again. However, I will not make the mistake of forgetting to use the restroom before I go. You live and learn, folks.
Be on the look out for Part Two: Brittany Plays with Fire, and The Perfect Way to Roast a Marshmallow.
