Scumbag Pooh Phone!

My relationship with Brittany has developed many interesting facets since I moved into E26 at the end of July. I've picked up a few habits of hers, such as scream-whispering when I'm excited. She's come to love some of my favorite things, such as the television show Community (yes, that's a link to the show on Hulu.com, not a link to the Wikipedia page - you need to watch it, not read about it!). We encourage each other's life choices, both bad and good. When one of us is craving dessert, the other one is likely to agree to an ice cream/coffee/yogurt excursion. When one of us needs some exercise, the other is usually on board to take a late night jaunt across our college campus. We've cultivated a symbiotic roommate-ship.

Brittany's parents came to visit E26 this weekend, and Mama Steer professed that the two of us were like twins in the way we behaved and conversed. We've even developed some E26 lingo, the most defining and confusing of which is the phrase "scumbag pooh phone [insert object here]!" We've tried to limit use of this phrase to times when the two of us are together, because it's a strange phrase that people who don't live in E26 won't understand. It seems, however, that the phrase has taken on a life of its own; it has slowly infiltrated our common conversation. Without even thinking about it, I've found myself saying "scumbag pooh phone [something]!" and then receiving very strange looks from those around me. Today I even posted a picture on my Facebook page that was captioned in this way:

"Scum bag pooh phone M&Ms jammed the Pop-Tarts dispenser. Curse you, disappointing vending machine!"

Needless to say, I received a few confused comments on this picture. Therefore, I believe it is high time to share the origin story of "scumbag pooh phone." 

First thing you need to know:

Brittany and I are both fans of the website 9gag.com where we go to view funny pictures and Internet memes, so our knowledge and love of memes is something we share. Just in case you have no idea what the Internet looks like, one particular meme that exploded in popularity was Scumbag Steve, the jerky guy who is just generally a jerk for the sake of spreading his jerkiness to unsuspecting bystanders. "Scumbag Steve" evolved into "Scumbag [object],"  which is used to describe pretty much anything that is jerky and annoying for no good reason.

Scumbag Steve

Scumbag Brain

Scumbag Voldemort

Brittany and I would occasionally use this phrase to describe annoying things in our lives, like "scumbag Japan!" when Japan snaked that silver medal in the Olympics, or "scumbag geckos!" when our stairwell was overrun with mottled yellow lizards. However, there was one object in our lives that earned the title of "scumbag" more than anything else ever in the history of the world (or at least the history of E26): the Winnie the Pooh phone.

Second thing you need to know:

The summer before I moved into E26, Brittany spent most of her days babysitting the child of a friend. Said friend would take classes on campus and leave her Adorable Kid in E26 for Brittany to entertain and feed and watch Bubble Guppies with. Adorable Kid needed toys to play with during the day, so a small collection of items accumulated in E26; one such item was the now infamous pooh phone. 

This thing is a jerk. Don't let that cute face fool ya.

Now, it's possible that there was some glitch in the phone's wiring, or some command that was activated that caused the phone to act erratically. In my opinion, the far more likely explanation is that the phone was possessed by the demon love child of Scumbag Steve and Scumbag Voldemort. If you pressed a button on the phone, it would make happy Winnie the Pooh noises for the appropriate pre-recorded time...at first. Then it would randomly go off when no one was touching it, and Winnie the Pooh would suddenly be singing at the top of his lungs. If you picked up the phone to move it, it would start chattering away as if several buttons had been pressed all at once... but none had. It was scary,  y'all. Real scary. And also annoyingly catchy. That song would get embedded into your Scumbag Brain.

I moved into E26 after Brittany's babysitting gig had ended, but Adorable Kid's toys were still in the apartment. One day I gingerly placed the pooh phone in a closet, where it only barked at me a little. I think the dark and quiet soothed its battery-operated heart

So yeah, the pooh phone had a mind of its own. The phone seemed like it was making noises just for the sake of alarming us and being a jerk, earning it the title of "scumbag pooh phone." And if you haven't noticed already, "scumbag pooh phone" sounds funny and is fun to say. It sounds kind of gross, but it's not! Hah! The joke's on you, people-who-don't-understand-the-joke. We're talking about a demonic children's toy, not something else that's a little more disgusting to imagine. Teehee!

And that's how the phrase "scumbag pooh phone" worked its way into Brittany's and my everyday vernacular. One day, one of us used "scumbag pooh phone" instead of just "scumbag" to describe an annoying object or occurrence and it just stuck. Digging through your purse so you can get into E26? "Scumbag pooh phone keys!" Want to watch Community but you have assignments to do? "Scumbag pooh phone homework!" Hungry for Pop-Tarts but another item has jammed the vending machine? "Scumbag pooh phone M&Ms!"

"Scumbag pooh phone" is verbal wildfire - it's streets ahead! Spend enough time with me and BSteer and you'll find yourself exclaiming it, too. People may stare at you, but you probably won't care because it'll make you giggle.

You're welcome, world.